Executive Success, Motivation Newsletter by Irene Leonard

A Newsletter Valuing Change

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July/August/September 2008

Improve Your Relationships

Taking responsibility can help you avoid the escalation of the four most toxic behaviors in relationships – criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. John Gottman calls them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

If you are being critical . . .

Change your critical comment into a request that the person change the behavior that was at the root of your criticism.

If you are being defensive . . .

Realize that this is a way of blaming the other side. Acknowledge what is true in what they are saying so they feel heard.

If you are being contemptuous . . .

Choose words that aren't sarcastic or mocking. Find some qualities to respect about this person, and choose to communicate in a more positive way.

If you are stonewalling . . .

Instead of giving the silent treatment or tuning out, acknowledge you need a break and then return to the discussion when you're ready.

John Gottman's books will give you much more depth, insight and information on how to improve your relationships and in particular the four horsemen in relationships.

What do you need to do to improve your relationships?

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Imagine Connection

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A Book Supporting Change

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John M. Gottman of The Gottman Institute is a terrific, practical book with exercises that can help you strengthen and improve your primary relationship.

He wrote the book after observing the habits of hundreds of married couples, but the concepts in the Gottman's book can also be applied to any of your relationships, not just marriage.

Buy This Book From Amazon.com

"The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people." Theodore Roosevelt

Personal Story

I spent four long weekends this past summer taking Organizational Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC) training in Vancouver, as taught by the Center for Right Relationship. The training was fabulous. I am using the skills to coach my clients individually (the relationship we have with ourselves) and my few small business partnerships.

I got some very valuable personal work out of the training as well. My sister and I (she's 9 years older than me) have never been close, or even gotten along. Yet I had one of the most enjoyable visits with her last week. I believe it's because the training taught me to focus on her admirable qualities if I want to improve my relationship with her. So that's what I did. I realized that she really is amazing. What a difference that made for how I was with her.

Thank you, Center for Right Relationship.

Check out my recent publications:

Imagine Having Enough Time
"Imagine having enough time to be highly productive and efficient. What would that look like for you?"

KCBA Bar Bulletin, Febuary 2008

Increase Your Influence
"By increasing your influence with the decision-maker(s) in your firm, you enhance your position and create benefits for both parties."

Soundings Magazine, April 2008.

Your referrals are appreciated.

Go to www.BusinessActionCards.com

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