ASEPI is short for the Anal Simean Ejection Probability Index. Put simply, it is the quotient "i" of the probability of a given event "e" divided by the probability of monkeys spontaneously flying from my butt. The ASEPI is caclulated thus:

where p_e is the probability of event e, and p_ase is the probability of spontaneous anal simean ejection.

To mitigate the inevitable problems associated with significant figures and precision, it is conventional to refer to an ASEPI using the following canonical terms:

• The ASEPI is said to be "somewhat low" when i ≈ 1.
• The ASEPI is said to be "low" when i < 1.
• Other values are best left for advanced study, and are typically referred to simply as "poorly precise."