This Yahoo! Instant Messenger discussion with my brother happened after showing him fan-letter I was writing to send to Jeremy Northam, with questions and easy check-off answers (and some input from other fans).


minsq: If he sends a signed photo I figure I'll give it to the helpful gal with the web site.
funkster: You could scan it in and keep the original, you know.
funkster: You're the one doing the work here.
minsq: Yeah, I know.
minsq: If he sent the letter back, that would be a fun thing to have. A photo, eh, not so much.
funkster: What if it was a photo stained with his own semen?
minsq: How would I know whose semen it was?
funkster: He could point it out.
minsq: But would I believe him?
funkster: Circle the stain with a sharpie, and draw an arrow and write the legend "Stain from my semen"
minsq: Anyway, I guess that'd be one for eBay.
funkster: Well, who else's semen would he have handy?
minsq: It might just be cookie dough.
funkster: He's not one of... those, is he? He doesn't play for the other team, does he?
funkster: Now I know why you gals love that cookie dough ice cream!
funkster: And why I find it strangely alluring.
minsq: If he plaed. for the other team, he's hidden it well.
funkster: He is a professional actor.
minsq: He played a homosexual on stage recently and was pretty philosophical about being straight and playing a gay - just like not being a politician or whatever. It's acting, yo.
minsq: I don't know if he likes cookie dough.
funkster: Well, there's another question for your letter.
funkster: Do you like the taste of cookie dough?
a) No, it tastes just like semen.
b) Yes! It tastes just like semen!
c) Yes, though I would of course have no idea whether or not it tasted like semen, no way, uh-uh.
minsq: I think the gals on the list would faint.
funkster: Though I rather suspect that if you feel cookie dough tastes like semen, either somebody's diet or somebody's recipe needs close examination.
minsq: What does this say about Alton Brown [host of the "Good Eats" cooking show on the Food Network -ed.]?
minsq: The Puffy? The Chewy?
funkster: I don't recall him expressing a preference, himself.
minsq: "The Spermy"
funkster: *snort*
funkster: I can just imagine the ingredients for that.
minsq: I'm crying over here.
funkster: You know how he sometimes fills the work bowl by holding it at arm's length, and when he names an ingredient offscreen hands dump it into the bowl?
minsq: Dang, you've got a great idea for a Good Eats porno, right there.
funkster: "1.5 fluid ounces of semen".
minsq: "Fresh semen is best. Don't use semen out of a condom, as it carries a latexy taste."
funkster: And then one of those freeze-frame info screens could say British actor Jeremy Northam cannot tell the difference in taste between cookie dough and semen.
minsq: With a graphic of my photo (with the Sharpie writing on it).

fin

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